About Middle Men
A podcast and community for men who don’t fit neatly into society’s boxes.
There’s a quietly massive group of men that no one is creating content for.
They don’t fit cleanly into “straight.” They don’t feel at home in “gay.” And somewhere along the way, they got the message that they’re supposed to pick a side.
So many of them do. Not because it fits, but because it’s easier.
Easier for society. Family. Friends. Work. Hobbies, passions, and interests. Their congregation. Their public persona. And for the rooms they have to walk into every day.
And despite the low hum of inner confusion, they keep moving. Working. Striving. Trying. Attempting to live their best lives…while quietly struggling.
Living a life that looks one way on the outside—but is more complicated and alone on the inside.
Middle Men exists for them. For the guy who…
Hides that part of himself in public for fear of being outcast.
Feels like everything could fall apart if people knew the full truth.
Is confused, curious, or carrying something he’s never said out loud.
Finds labels limiting and tribal social norms unfitting.
Knows he’s somewhere in the middle—and is navigating everything that entails.
Maybe you live a straight life publicly but discreetly hook up with guys.
Maybe you’re bisexual or pansexual and don’t feel fully comfortable in a world that prefers the certainty of categorizing people as straight or gay.
Maybe you’re only attracted to guys but don’t feel at-home in the spaces designed for you.
Maybe you’re confused about who and what you like, and want to safely explore that.
Or maybe you’re none of those things, but have family/friends who are, and you’re curious and/or want to support them.
This isn’t a place where you’re told who you are or who you should be. It’s a place to be accepted as you are.
A place to think. Question. Share, listen, and learn. Belong. And to connect with other guys carrying the same weight you thought was yours alone.
We believe that:
You don’t need to choose a box to live an authentic life with fulfilling connections.
Complexity isn’t a problem to solve. It’s part of being human.
You can be disciplined, driven, and strong—and still be figuring things out.
There are millions of men out there just like you—even if they’ve never said it out loud.
This is where they find each other. No posturing. No pretending. No shouting. Just real conversations about things most people avoid.
Because the truth is: You’re not alone. You were just never given a place to hear that before.
This is that place.
About Brendan
I’m Brendan. I’ve spent much of my life somewhere in the middle too.
From the outside, my life has looked pretty straightforward. I grew up in Pennsylvania, went to public school, came from a middle-class family, played sports, worked regular jobs, built a career, trained hard, dated, played and made music, and tried to keep moving forward.
But internally, things were never that simple. I grew up living a publicly straight life, dating girls while privately feeling confused about—and exploring—my attraction to guys.
In 2005, at the age of 24, I moved to a city (Boston) for the first time. A year later, I came out as gay and lived an openly gay life for the next 15 years.
Everything was new and exciting, and people were extremely welcoming and friendly. There was a strong sense of community which I fully embraced. Immersing myself in the culture naturally influenced the way I dressed, music I listened to, content I consumed, and how I spent my time and money: trips to gay resort towns, musicals, symphony, dinner parties, bars, shopping for clothes, and the occasional drag show were the norm.
While my network expanded, so did my self-confidence after moving through some significant life milestones. I put myself through grad school (graphic design) while working a full-time corporate marketing job; landed a graphic design job at a large company; sold my car and moved into the gay neighborhood in the city; got my front teeth fixed (which had been knocked out in a high-school soccer game and re-implanted, which didn’t look great), and started modeling for clients like Reebok, Shreve Crump & Lowe, and Boston Fashion Week.
The modeling exposure opened doors to co-winning a National Gay Bachelors contest, and being featured in the well-known NOH8 Campaign and a documentary on gay dating.
All of this positive momentum gave me the confidence and courage to come out at work by bringing my at-the-time partner to a work party, and co-founding the company’s LGBTQ employee resource group.
After accepting a transfer to the company’s South Florida office, I decided to pick up surfing at the age of 34, something I’ve always wanted to do.
During my three years living there, I continued working, strength training, surfing, playing and making music, saw several great shows/concerts, adopted a dog, and explored the local vibrant gay scene, where I met a group of friends.
I had a ton of fun with those friends—I spent more time at gay bars, restaurants, and beaches than I ever had before. Environments like that had intimidated me in the past, but exploring them with a fun group of guys made it easier and a lot more fun.
At the same time, a part of me was bummed that these great times came at the expense of more time surfing and playing/making music, my biggest interests. Surfing solo, and going to shows like Pearl Jam, NOFX, and Social Distortion alone was unfortunate, but understandable. My friends generally had different musical tastes, and I respect that. It just made me feel different.
I started to feel like a Middle Man.
This dynamic carried over into work, where I wasn’t straight enough to build solid rapport with one manager, and not gay enough to do the same with another—both variables that preceded my career progression’s glass ceiling despite stellar performance reviews, notable achievements, and awards. More Middle Man symptoms.
After completing my work assignment in Florida, I returned to the Boston area, where after 17 years of working corporate jobs, I was laid off at the onset of the Covid pandemic.
Being unemployed for the first time in my professional career, combined with the isolation that accompanied the Covid pandemic, gave me a lot of time to think, and calculate how I would re-orient myself and my life trajectory.
With my 40 year-old birthday looming on the horizon, the midlife awakening (or crisis) part of me decided that although I really enjoyed my gay life, the time was now or never to prioritize my life passions without compromise, and push myself physically and mentally more than I ever had before.
I started my own Graphic Design business, Brendan Creative, completed the Chad 1,000x fitness challenge, began running trail ultramarathons (the furthest I had ever run before was 7 miles on road), surfed as much as possible, trained six days per week, volunteered for a mental health/trauma non-profit, and began teaching myself music production with Logic Pro X.
I met some great friends through the local surfing and trail running communities, and at the gym. I never disclosed to them that I liked guys, because it didn’t matter. We just shared miles on the trails, waves in the lineup, and sets in the gym.
During this time, I also re-discovered an attraction to women that prompted a nudge to the left on my Kinsey scale. Just when you think you have yourself figured out, life sometimes throws a curve ball. More Middle Men symptoms.
Though my life realignment seemed successful by any measure, and I met a lot of great friends surfing and trail running, the mountains out West were calling.
Getting into trail running—and being able to work remotely from anywhere now that I was my own boss—prompted me to move to Colorado in 2023 for the epic trails, skiing, lower cost of living, sunny weather, and less city congestion. A bonus, to my surprise, was a bustling local music scene. I could occasionally scratch my surfing itch when visiting family and friends on the coast.
Living in a community with a dense concentration of talented athletes and musicians, next to the foothills of the Rocky Mountains and a downtown packed with music venues, made it easy to run incredible trails, play open mics, join bands, and meet friends along the way.
I continued compartmentalizing my social life, playing music and running with friends while being essentially closeted again, only this time as bi.
Again, I found myself in a weird purgatory straddling straight and gay worlds. Most people were great, but there was the occasional homophobic language from a friend who assumed I was straight, or the shade I caught at the rainbow-dawning “inclusive” coffee shop for I don’t know what reason.
Once again, feeling like a Middle Man.
I tried some dating apps, listing my profile as bisexual and looking for women to date for the first time in 15+ years, but results were nearly none. I received some interest from straight couples, but nothing progressed past exchanging emails. So I continued dating guys (albeit discreetly), which is just easier since that’s what I’m used to.
And I continued to encounter other guys like me.
I realized I wasn’t the only one out there straddling two different worlds, never feeling fully at-home in either one, and wishing it was different.
I suspect a significant amount of men around the world are carrying some version of this quietly. Men whose lives look one way on the outside, but feel more complicated on the inside. Men who are trying to be honest without blowing up their lives. Men who want connection, but don’t want to be forced into a script that doesn’t fully fit.
That’s why I’m building this. Not because I have all the answers (I definitely don’t)—but because I know what it feels like to look around and wonder where you belong. And because I know what it’s like to scour the Internet for answers only to find very little because few people are talking about it. And if they are, it probably focuses on sex.
Sex is great, and an important aspect, but there’s much more to Middle Men: pursuing life passions and goals, physical and mental health, not letting sexual preference pigeonhole us and dictate un-related aspects of our lives, and trying to be the best, most authentic versions of ourselves.
Middle Men derives from my lived experience, not theory. It comes from years of trying to navigate a conflict between the life inside of me and society’s expectations. And it comes from years of trying really hard despite life’s hidden obstacles that no one sees but us.
This project is my life’s work. After pivoting away from Graphic Design as a sustainable career due to AI and WYSIWYG design apps reducing the need to hire a professional designer, my goal is to create the thing I always wished existed—this podcast and community.
I’m leveraging all of my life experience as well as my full professional toolkit — graphic design, entrepreneurship, marketing, printing, photography, audio production, project management—while learning new things along the way: video production, content creation, and digital marketing.
Despite the risk, I’m using my life savings to fund and build Middle Men. The safety net is very thin, so it’s a big gamble. But I believe in this project to the degree that I’d make that gamble 10/10 times.
Lastly, I don’t want Middle Men to become a tribal group with strict social norms, pressure to conform, gatekeepers, and other’ing of other groups.
I want Middle Men to be somewhat of an anti-tribe. A place where guys, who aren’t fully on one team or the other, can finally connect, exhale, and belong as themselves. And I want it to grow, change lives and help as many people as possible.
Because with the ubiquity of divisive content out there, it’s important to balance that with positive content that unites and connects.
Thanks for reading this long-ass ramble, and truly thanks for being here.
-Brendan
Are You a Middle Man?
Most have never said it out loud. Never found a name for it. Never met another one.
We created an anonymous survey to understand who Middle Men really are. No name required. No email required. Just honest answers.
When you finish, you'll see how your experience compares to other guys who've taken it. That moment of "I'm not the only one" is exactly why this exists.
Takes 12-15 minutes. Completely anonymous.
A Community Where You Can Finally Be Your True Self
There's a private community of Middle Men waiting for you. No real name required. No judgment. Just men who get it.
For $10 a month you get:
Private discussion boards for every corner of Middle Men life — relationships, mental health, faith/spirituality, sexual health, fitness (running, strength training, surfing, hunting/outdoors)
A community of like-minded people who actually understand you
Live Q&A video sessions with Brendan, Middle Men’s founder and podcast host
A jobs board where Middle Men hire other Middle Men
Early access to Middle Men articles
Founding Member Offer
The first 30 members get in at $5/month — locked in forever. Use code FIRST30 at checkout.
7-day free trial. Cancel anytime. No questions asked.
Your membership will appear on your statement as "MIDDLE MEN." Nothing more.